dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
