i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
