Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Randomize
