Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
