just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
