you told grandpa to call you daddy
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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