You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
