I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
