Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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