look no pants
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
