I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
