I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
