I'm gonna have a badass scar
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
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I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
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In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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