yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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