There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
