there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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