Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize