I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
