since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Randomize
