It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
