eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
