Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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