If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
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Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
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There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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