Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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