I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize