so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
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