just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
