Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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