talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Randomize
