your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
