I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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