I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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