like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
