I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize