dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Randomize
