I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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