The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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