either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize