Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
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