girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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