uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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