Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
a search helicopter?!
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
