I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
You need Xanax blowdarts
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
