mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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