kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
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