when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Houston, we have a squirter
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
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