my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
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