My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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