Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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