she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize