I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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