i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
