my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk