when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt