Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
25 Porn Addicts Admit Their Biggest Pet Peeves
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.