dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
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I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
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Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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