i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
