I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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