Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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