I am in a vortex of obligation.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
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