Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
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