remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
