I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
